What should you do in a disciplinary meeting? Strategy 2: mercy of the court
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So you’re going into the meeting, and you want to know how to play it. This is fair, you don’t know what you should be doing. Winging it is an option, but it best to go into it with a plan. But first you need to know what you want from this meeting (see here). Once you know that, you can now consider how to approach; this is the fight option see here and here for the other options.
What it is
In short: ‘I’m sorry, it happened, it shouldn’t have happened that way, it will be different next time’. Confessing and asking for leniency is a viable strategy, and not just because it validates the ego of the boss. Most bosses aren’t capricious, but just want stuff to happen the way the organisation needs it to happen (see here for insights into the inner workings of your manager). Admitting that you did the wrong thing, understand what should have happened, and giving assurances that next time things will be different, is (most of the time) pretty much what your boss is trying to achieve. If you give it to them voluntarily with little to no prompting, this can resolve the situation.
How to do it
Do it early, clearly, concisely, and sincerely. The sooner you give them what they want to hear, the less they will feel the need to extract it from you. There will be a lecture, this is unavoidable, but an early confession can shorten it. Make sure to do more than just apologise- this is only a small part- focus on demonstrating that you know what ought to have happened, and assure that next time they can rely upon you to do it better.
Don’t do it through gritted teeth. Don’t follow it up with justifications and excuses (as George Martin wrote “nothing before the word ‘but’ really counts). You can explain; but a brief apology followed by lengthy justification is a very poor apology. If you want to explain yourself, see here.
When it doesn’t work
This is discussed also here, mercy doesn’t work when the crime is ‘unforgiveable’, such as theft, violence, dishonesty. It might, but it might not. Primarily this will turn on how calculated your decision was, and how obvious it was to you at the time that it was wrong. If you slip money from the till, how confident can your boss be that you won’t do it again, even if you promise not to? You already knew it was wrong.
When it does work
When the proposition of ‘next time will be different’ is viable. Remember that replacing you is an arduous process, and that the next person may not be any better, so ‘better the devil you know’ is generally the best option for your boss. If your boss can work with you, then they will prefer to keep you, and giving them some confidence to keep you is a viable option.
