What should you do in a disciplinary meeting? Strategy 1: fight the facts

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So you’re going into the meeting, and you want to know how to play it.  This is fair, you don’t know what you should be doing- you don’t go to disciplinary meetings every day.  Winging it is an option, but it’s best to go into it with a plan.  But first, you need to know what you want from this meeting (see here).  Once you know that,  you can now consider how to approach; this is the fight option: see here and here for the other options.

Rebut their case

The guts of this approach is to deny and dispute their allegations against you.   This is specifically where they believe you’ve done something you shouldn’t have, or where you haven’t done what you ought to have, and you contend that this is not the case.  They don’t have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, but they do have to have good reasons.  These group into two approaches;  disagreeing with the facts, and disagreeing that the facts mean what they say they mean, and you can do either, or both.   

To dispute the facts is to disagree that what they think happened actually happened.  To give an example, you may deny you pushed the other guy first, you may disagree that you spoke angrily, that you swore at a person, that you were late.

Disagreeing with the meaning of the facts is disputing that what happened means what they think it means.  Without getting too deep or philosophical, there is a difference between events that occur in the world, and the meaning we take from them.  One hundred years ago, whether someone did or did not take their hat off indoors and outdoors had meaning, but now it doesn’t.  Or perhaps it does in some cultures.  The point is what events happened, and what meaning is derived from that has meaning, and you can dispute that meaning.

To give a very common issue- swear words.  The word is the word, but when it is used, by who, at whom, and where in the sentence makes a big difference.  Loudly and directly addressed to a person (you’re !@#$, 2#%#, and @#%$ driver) has a different meaning to when not directed at a person (the traffic is terrible because no one can @#$@#$ drive these days).   If you’re boss is contending that your used a bad word and therefore you’ve breached the rules, you can fairly dispute this- it doesn’t just start and end with ‘bad word=warning’

Build your case

There are two sides to every story; this is where you provide an alternative explanation.  I’m not going to advocating lying, but let’s recognize you may wish to, and many people see that as a small price to pay, to keep money for the rent coming in.  If you are, keep it simple, and minimise the chance it could be disproved.  Lying is tricky business, and the more complex story, the harder to keep it straight.

When it works

It works better where the evidence is weak or subjective.  If it’s behavioural, eye-of-the-beholder stuff, then fighting your corner is a fair approach.  If a co-worker has cried to the boss (literally or figuratively) that you’re a bully, but you think you’ve acting reasonably, rationally, but professionally insistently that they do what they ought to be doing, pushing back on the allegation is fair.  Their opinion that you are wrong should not carry more weight due to their emotions.  

It also works more where your job isn’t on the line right now- typically minor misconduct or performance.  If it’s early stages, you can push back to get better clarity of what is expected of you.

When it doesn’t work

Some transgressions are unforgivable, some are forgivable.  This isn’t well suited to situations where the employer would be able to live you staying if you took accountability, but not if you refuse to take it, for example- inappropriate and unprofessional conduct.  This strategy is the higher risk strategy, but it better suited to unforgivable transgressions, where either you’re looking to go, or where the allegations are so big that (if proven true) staying isn’t an option on the table, so fighting the conclusion is true is the best option.  Every employer is different but typically (in this order), theft, violence and dishonesty are hard to ask for mercy for (see here).