What you could say in the disciplinary meeting to keep your job
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This depends on what you want as an outcome- do you want to stay or go? (see here for more on this). If you want to stay, read on. If you want to go, see here. Most of these points are compatible with this strategy and this strategy so bear in mind this is hard to do if you’re fighting them on the facts. These are some specific approaches you can take to fight your corner without breaking the relationship.
I’d like you to see it from my perspective- at the time
One of the big problems in these situations (and many others) is hindsight bias. It’s very easy to look at the situation from the future, when you know pretty much all the facts and have the time to consider. In the heat of the moment (especially if, at that time, the situation was particularly stressful and difficult) it’s not so easy, and we make decisions that we regret- but from the benefit of hindsight. You can point this out, saying “at that time, in that moment, I made a judgement call with what I knew, about what I was worried might happen if I didn’t”.
There’s a second, more subtle side to this argument that it worth pointing out. The ‘you weren’t there’ argument. Is actually quite difficult on the imagination your boss to perfectly picture themselves in the situation, so if you paint a good picture, this may create some doubt in their mind. So you may work with that to diminish the conclusions they might reach. By painting a picture of problems, the stress, and the unknowns at the time, you try to get them to second-guess what they thought was pretty straightforward.
At the time; I thought what I was doing was fine, I thought it was acceptable
This is similar to the above but a little different. It also argues that the context at the time was different to how it appears now, but instead you would say, ‘at the time I didn’t know it was wrong’. If we deep dive, most of what we learn in the workplace we learn from co-workers, or from figuring it out logically. Your one hour induction on day one doesn’t cover much. You’re arguing that you’d been left to your own devices to figure out what you ought to be doing, to figure out what seems normal around here, and this seemed normal, so you did it, and it’s unfair to hold you to expectations you were never told.
I now understand why are unhappy. I’ll adjust so you can trust me in the future
This is the olive branch; ‘I get it now, I had it wrong at the time’. ofr you to stay in the workplace you need to convince them that you’ll be reliable. Put forward your reasons for why you did, but you need to convince them that you’ve made the necessary adjustments so it will be different next time.
Some things, especially behaviour, can be hard to adjust. If the problem is how to interact with others, for example, bullying, belittling, or other offensive behaviour, it can difficult to persuade others. In this case, talk to others- friends, family or even professionals, and tell your boss about these steps. Explain how you’ve really been soul searching on this to change who you are, and/or how you act.
Saying sorry
this certainly helps, but don’t expect it to fix everything. Depending on who you are talking to, sorry might not work as well as you’d expect. In most modern cultures, saying sorry is a ‘get-out-of-jail’ card, which erases the history as if it never happened, but what does sorry mean? It’s not a magic word, it doesn’t change the facts. Your contrition doesn’t always give full confidence that it won’t happen again.
Saying sorry doesn’t hurt, it does help, but it may not be all you thought it would be. You may be assuming that sorry would be enough for all of this to go away. To make it more convincing, you need to be specific about what you regret doing, and what you will do differently next time. Without this, sorry can be tinged with self-pity; just ‘I’m sorry that I got myself in trouble’.
I enjoy working here
This is you expressing your wish to remain. Most people will do this, and it’s not a bad card to play, but there a few better things to focus on. Most people will discuss what they get out of working there- friends they have made, the team environment, or the perks. But this just what the job provides them, and how they would regret losing what they get. Focusing on mutual gains, the industry, hitting targets, helping the customers, solving problems… are good ideas. You could try talking about the employer’s interests, but this could come across as disingenuous.
